Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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