good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
