How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
