no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
