He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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