The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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