you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
