I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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