God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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