i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
