I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
