He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
