Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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