My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
