drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
