I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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