Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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