I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
