There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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