I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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