When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
