really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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