i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
