Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
