he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
