She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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