so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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