Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
