yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
