i think my tv is drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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