Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
