I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
