Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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