I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
