I seem to have left my pride at pride
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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