I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
