He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
