it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
