its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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