Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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