even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
