He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
