Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
