OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize