so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
