My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
