Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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