No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
