Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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