I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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