Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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