I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
