I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
