I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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