Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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