can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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