It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
