At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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