We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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