he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
