mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
