I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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