You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
