so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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