So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
