I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
