There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
