I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
