**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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